No Kid Should Age Out of Foster Care Alone in America

May 28, 2009, Comcast.net News. By Chelsea-Badeau

Remember when you were 17 years old and full of rebellious teenage energy? Now imagine that when you woke up on your 18th birthday, you were all alone. Imagine having to navigate the “real world” all by yourself at that tender age. Sure, at 18 you might have felt like an adult, but as you got older and gained perspective, you realized you still had a lot to learn and needed a lot of support and guidance. What if you had no one--no family, no support system at all? That is the predicament nearly 25,000 18-year-olds face each year when they “age out” of the U.S. foster care system.

Since May is National Foster Care month, it’s a good time to take a closer look at the aging out issue and what can be done about it. There are nearly 500,000 children in foster care in America today, according to Martin McOmber of Casey Family Programs--the nation’s largest operating foundation entirely focused on foster care.

McOmber states when children are in foster care for a long time and age out of the system, they are confronted with a number of very difficult challenges. He says about 25 percent of children will experience homelessness within 18 months of aging out of the system.

In addition to the chilling homelessness rate, there are some other statistics that McOmber cites (more statistics can be found at raisemeup.org), including the fact that 270,000 inmates in the American prison system today were once children in foster care. He also notes children in foster care and alumni suffer post-traumatic stress disorder at a rate twice that of veterans of the first gulf war in the early ‘90s. Teenagers who age out also have a higher unemployment rate than their peers who were not in foster care.

There are obviously some fundamental and systemic issues facing youth who grow up in foster care.

Misty Stenslie, Deputy Director of Foster Care Alumni of America (a community of former children in foster care that works to transform foster care practice and policy), spent about 12 years in foster care. She lived in about 30 different places which included kinship care (relatives), group homes, foster homes, therapeutic foster homes, psychiatric facilities, and correctional facilities. Stenslie says she was always bouncing from one place to the next, and over the years had hundreds of people that were responsible for her.

“A social worker here, a judge there, hundreds of different people over the years, and yet somehow even with all those people looking out for me and taking care of me, I aged out with no family at all,” Stenslie said. “On Tuesday you’re a kid and somebody’s there to take care of you, and on Wednesday you’re an adult; and nobody’s there.”

As Stenslie puts it, “once you hit that magic birthday, foster care is done with you.” No wonder so many of these kids, yes kids, flounder. When I was 18, I still relied on my parents and grandparents and siblings for so many things—from phone calls of support to requests for small loans. Who do these kids call? The government isn’t answering the phone.

There are so many things young adults with families can take for granted. What happens when you are in college or in your first apartment and you don’t have enough money to do laundry? Most kids can call Mom or Dad or Grandma or Grandpa and hit them up for a few packs of quarters. Stenslie didn’t have anyone to call. She worked the closing shift at McDonalds, and after hours would put her clothes through the industrial dishwasher in the back room of the fast-food restaurant.

There are life skills teenagers need to learn to make a smooth transition to adulthood—things like finding a job and an apartment, learning how to drive, balancing a checkbook, etc.—but according to Celeste Bodner, Executive Director of FosterClub (a national peer support network for young people in and from foster care), the most critical issue is “permanence and having the safety net of people to connect to as you age out.” Bodner says this is the make-or-break factor for young people, often determining whether or not they will succeed in life or become another statistic.

“A lot of our young people, including our young leaders, are college students, they’re smart, they’re capable, they’re prepared, a lot of them save money, they’re very responsible,” Bodner said. “And the one thing that can even derail those young people is not having people to call family.”

Between the ages of 18 and 24, it’s inevitable something disastrous (or seemingly disastrous at the time) will occur. Bodner says even the most focused young adults can be completely derailed if they don’t have people to help them “pick up the pieces” when these disasters strike.

All children want the same thing—a safe, loving, and permanent family. As McOmber puts it, kids need someone to turn to and be able to say “How do I do this?” or “I have a question” or “I need support.” These are things that most of us take for granted, but McOmber says that if you age out of the system without that permanent family, those kinds of challenges can be overwhelming.

Stuart Eskenazi, a Communications Writer at Casey Family Programs, describes the “aging-out” experience of one former foster youth. Eskenazi says the youth, from Orange County, Calif., was in foster care his entire childhood. He was only three months old when he was separated from his mother, and then had eight different foster care placements. He spent nine years with his last foster family before that family kicked him out of the house two weeks before his high school graduation. According to Eskenazi, “he was basically forcibly removed from the home and had a really tough time trying to deal with the fact that all of the sudden, he had no family that he could rely on.” He is now 20 years old. Eskenazi says that while he is doing better, the first couple of years after aging out have been “incredibly challenging” for him.

One of the obstacles in finding permanent families for older children is that many people who work in the system don’t focus on adoption after children hit a certain age, because they just don’t think it’s a reality. But older kids can be, and are, adopted.

Mary Lee of Youth Villages (a non-profit that helps children and families) entered foster care at age 12, due to abuse and neglect. When she was 16, a judge asked her, “Mary, what do you want for your life?” and she answered, “I want what everyone wants. I want a family of my own.” Lee recalls that the judge turned to the workers in the room and said, “Let’s find Mary a forever family.” So at 16, she went up for adoption. Lee remembers that people were very resistant, and couldn’t understand why she wanted to put herself out there for rejection. But Lee didn’t care about the naysayers. She wanted, “a place to go home to during Christmas break, a Dad to walk me down the aisle, and Grandparents for my children.” Lee was adopted one week before her 18th birthday.

What Is the Government Doing About This Issue?

Many children’s rights advocates would argue the government isn’t doing enough to address the issues of aging out in the foster care system.

However, a big stride was made last October when the ‘Fostering Connections to Success and Increasing Adoptions Act’ was passed. One of the provisions of the act gives states the option of receiving federal funding to continue foster care from 18 to 21, and in some cases longer. McOmber says this is really important because it gives kids more of a chance to become adults before being “emancipated.”

Stenslie notes the act also put an increased emphasis on making sure that youth in care, and youth in transition have adequate and appropriate health coverage, health insurance, and services available to them.

There are many issues that need to be addressed in order to give children who spend time in the foster care system the same opportunities to succeed in life that all children in America should enjoy. Unfortunately, as Stenslie explains, there’s a stigma around foster care. She says it’s treated as “kind of a dirty little secret.”

Stenslie says that people don’t go around proudly boasting, “Hey, guess what, I grew up in foster care!” Stenslie and others are working hard to change that stigma, because as she says “it shouldn’t have to be a little secret to tell the truth about your life.” Even though there are about 12 million adults who have lived in foster care at one time, Stenslie says that it’s still “a very isolated and isolating experience to have in your history.”

I agree with her. That stigma needs to change. We all have to help make it so that people who have been in foster care do not feel the need to hang their heads in shame.

How Can the Average Person Make a Difference?

I asked a couple of our child advocates what the average person can do to help make sure no young person ages out of foster care alone. Here are their answers:

McOmber: The average person can just understand the issue more and get involved. We’re launching a campaign at Casey Family Programs called ‘Raise Me Up’ and it’s a public awareness campaign. The tag line is, “You don’t have to raise a child to raise them up, you just have to raise your hand and say you’ll help.” So really what the average person can do is understand, take some time and familiarize themselves with what foster care is and how the systems work. And then if they can, get involved. Again, while becoming a foster or adoptive parent is one way to make a difference, you don’t have to become a foster parent to change a life. There are ways through mentoring programs or other volunteer activities that you can make a difference in the life of a child.

Stenslie: The very first step for very good public policy in any area is that you have a public that cares about that issue. We should all be caring about kids in foster care because the government legally is the parent for kids in foster care. In a democracy, we are the government, and that means every one of us as a citizen has some sort of responsibility for taking care of these kids that belong to all of us. I really want people to feel a sense that “I really can do something about this.” People can advocate for good public policy, like making sure that children in foster care can go to college and have the ability to make a life for themselves.

Young people in foster care are more than statistics. Like all children, they have hopes, dreams, talents and abilities. They have the potential to become the leaders and artists and builders and teachers of the next generation. It’s up to all of us to ensure that they have that chance.

*Postcard image provided by Foster Care Alumni of America. Learn more about the Postcard Project.

Original article, Comcast.net NEWS retrieved on May 28, 2009